WE’RE HERE FOR YOU.
180 exists to help men who struggle with sexual addictions find healing through Jesus and His Holy Spirit and grow in a healthy relationship with God our Father. In order to recover from sexual brokenness we must confess our struggles with each other. While finding healing we must pray without judgment.
Finding a time in your day to center yourself to God is vital to successful recover from sexual brokenness. Every day John Doyle writes an encouraging article to bring focus and encouragement. Each article contains harsh truths about addiction, God’s salvation and encouraging devotionals. Most of all, visit this page daily to fuel your journey of recovery.
Living the Christian life cannot be a life of isolation. We are too easily deceived by our flesh and the spiritual forces of evil. We are surrounded by a world that offers us destructive choices on the road to sexual brokenness. Consequently, the Christian life is a life lived in community. It is walking in the light as He is in the light. It is men helping themselves and others walk out a life of honesty, humility and accountability.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION?
WHY DO PEOPLE BECOME SEXUALLY ADDICTED?
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX ADDICTION AND HIGH SEX DRIVE?
CAN YOU BE ADDICTED TO MASTURBATION?
CAN SOMEONE BE A SEX ADDICT AND NOT BE SEXUAL (OR INTIMATE) WITH THEIR SPOUSE OR COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP?
WHAT ROLE DOES PORNOGRAPHY PLAY IN SEX ADDICTION?
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO LIVE WITH A SEX ADDICT FROM A PARTNER’S OR WIFE’S PERSPECTIVE?
CAN PARTNERS GET HELP EVEN IF THE SEX ADDICT DOESN’T?
IS THERE RESEARCH ON SEX ADDICTION AVAILABLE?
CAN WOMEN BE SEX ADDICTED?
IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO HELP OUR CHILDREN NOT BECOME SEXUALLY ADDICTED?
ARE ADULT DATING SITES PART OF SEXUAL ADDICTION?
How to Confess Your Sex Addiction
by Rob Jackson, MS, LPC, LMHC, NCC
For most, confessing a personal issue is difficult. Here are some steps to guide you through the process. For most of us, confessing a personal issue is difficult. We have concerns for how others will respond – especially if our confessions pertain to some type of sexual sin committed against our spouses.
Perhaps the term “sex addict” doesn’t seem to apply to you or maybe the term is just simply too difficult to handle for the moment. Whichever the case may be, your confession of sexual sin is an important first step. After your disclosure, the severity of your sexual sin will need to be professionally evaluated and treated. As you consider how to break the news of your sexual sin to your spouse, here are some important considerations:
1. Examine your motivation.
A healthy motivation is that you want a closer relationship with God, and that even if you were not married, you would continue to pursue sexual health and greater personal integrity. An unhealthy motivation is that you are angry at your spouse and use your sin with the intention of hurting him/her.
2. Resolve to tell the truth.
The nature of sexual sin involves deception of self and others. Telling the truth from this point forward is critical. Since trust is the most damaged aspect of your relationship, you will need to work extremely hard to gain it back. Even small lies at this point can derail any future healing and reconciliation.
3. Your confession may include disclosing childhood sexual abuse that may have created a vulnerability to acting out sexually.
Understandably, your disclosure is not a time to shift blame, but statistically most sex addicts have sexual abuse in their pasts.
4. Look for tendencies in yourself towards secrecy, entitlement, and retaliation.
These negative traits often coexist with sex addiction, and need to be owned and dealt with in prayer and counsel with others. Recognizing how you have done this in the past will help you to confess with greater openness and honesty.
5. Commit yourself to answering your spouse’s questions honestly.
He or she will most likely need to know more once your initial disclosure has been offered. Your willingness to answer questions is one type of amends where your respect for his or her injuries is apparent.
6. Gather your facts by category.
Greater compassion will guide you so that your disclosure is not too specific. Most spouses don’t want the salacious details, but they actually need the specific categories of your involvement, e.g. magazines, videos, Internet, strip clubs, prostitutes, affairs, etc. If an affair has occurred with a friend or relative of your spouse, be sure to include this important fact.
7. Identify the resources that you and your spouse will need for healing and reconciliation.
Prepare beforehand some specific solutions that you can explain at the end of your confession. Resources may include books, tapes, support groups, and a pre-arranged appointment with a professional therapist. It is extremely important that you have already begun taking steps to address and correct the problem before telling your spouse.
8. Willfully acknowledge the gravity of your adultery and your spouse’s Biblical right to seek separation or divorce.
Even virtual adultery committed online has the power to alter your spouse’s life. Meditate on the words of Christ where He equates lust with adultery, and confess accordingly.
9. Throughout your confession, stop and give your spouse time to take in your confession.
Accept his or her emotions as a largely involuntary reaction.
10. Freely initiate your specific apology.
For example, “I feel badly for having hurt you with my sexual sin. I realize I can never fully know how badly I’ve hurt you by _______. I hope you can forgive me as I seek to rebuild your trust in
180 Recovery Guide is an approach to sexual addiction recovery based on the truth of the Bible. I have been in recovery for over 7 years and have helped hundreds of men in theirs. This is not a 12 Step approach … which has helped millions of people. It relies on the finished work of Christ on the Cross and the presence and power of the Spirit within the believer to transform us.
Finding a time in your day to center yourself to God is vital to a successful recovery. Every day John Doyle writes an encouraging article to bring focus and encouragement. Each article contains harsh truths about addiction, God’s salvation and encouraging devotionals. Make it a habit to visit this page daily to fuel your journey of recovery.
Like Peter, we are all in this boat together. 180 is full of success stories of men and women finding freedom. Here are a few that people have written us. Please use this at great discretion and celebrate, as our brothers and sister have shared very personal moments of their lives. (FPO)
Living the Christian life cannot be a life of isolation. We are too easily deceived by our flesh and the spiritual forces of evil. We are surrounded by a world that offers us destructive choices and we have already made bad choices our norm. The Christian life is a life lived in community. It is walking in the light as He is in the light. It is men helping themselves and others walk out a life of honesty, humility and accountability.
Helping people connect, recover and heal from sexual brokenness.
Pornography and sexual brokenness is one of the biggest problems not only in churches but in our world today. Please help us as we fight against this epidemic … we appreciate your donations and continued prayers.
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Vineyard Columbus - 6000 Cooper Rd, Westerville, OH 43081